This may be one of the most personal blog posts I have ever written. I figure since no one really reads my blog I can keep it kind of like an online journal. If you stumble upon it and it helps you then wonderful. If you don't like it then you can just keep on trucking through the net. No harm no foul. Ha ha.
Here we go...deep breath. I have been suffering from depression for almost two years now. It came from a lot of different things happening at once. I had lost my Dad about a year before I moved back to my home town. That was very hard for me . I found out though when I moved back to my home town that there was a lot of grief I had not really dealt with. Then there it was unavoidable. Right about this same time a conflict with a close friend who was also my family member erupted with unimaginable fury. I was totally blindsided. So now not only was I dealing with intense grief but also the added grief of family conflict and losing someone I thought was a friend. The family conflict went on for two years. We were alienated from the family in the end. Top all of this off with breaking both of my ankles nine months apart and you can see why it would start to get you down. Plus a teenager. lol
I didn't notice it too much at first and I would never have dared to call it depression. However, six months ago I found myself unable to deny my sadness. I was sad every day. Even if I couldn't figure out why. I can barely get out of bed and I don't sleep when I am in bed. I smoke more than I ever have and cry all of the time. I am always on the verge of tears. I am exhausted and always feel like I have the flu. My body aches, my heart aches, I am overwhelmed and tired of fighting just to keep going. I have begged and prayed and it doesn't seem to get any better.
I say all of that to say this. I have come to a point where I am ready to start trying to climb out of the darkness.
So finally I have called my doctor to get back on some kind of medication. But there are also some things I want to do to help myself. So this is where I am going to list them. Mostly for my own benefit but if they help you then wonderful! The worst part of depression is being so alone.
These are things I want to do. I am not putting a time on them or anything. I am just doing what I can when I can. The end.
Take a shower daily. ( I have really let myself go because frankly I didn't care anymore)
Brush my teeth
Get dressed
Wash my face and moisturize or put on make up
Do some kind of exercise three times a week no pressure though. I just want to feel better so I don't want to put any kind of real limits or details on this. I just want to do something.
Find something that makes me happy every day.
Read again. I used to love poetry. I haven't read poetry in so long
Find something I am grateful for every day
Make time for me. I give and give and now I am empty
let go of my past. Just let it go. NO more chewing on it or trying to figure out why I am the way I am. I acknowledge it and now its time to move on stop tripping over it.
I am sure I will add more to this as I think of it but this is good for now.
Blessings,
